a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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