somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
