its not stalking. its research.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just high enough for therapy.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
