I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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