The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
