This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your penis caused this!
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