I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
