I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
