somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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