Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
