Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
