ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My vagina is officially offended.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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