I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize