People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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