My first STD was from a foam party
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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