happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
