I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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