you traded sex for a burrito?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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