I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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