You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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