3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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