I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
