my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
