Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
