A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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