What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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