Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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