Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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