i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
