If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
