Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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