his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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