the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
