Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
