i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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