she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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