What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
