Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just forgot I was standing up.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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