My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
