Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
