i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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