you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
