Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
