i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
