So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
