is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My feet surprised me
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