True but thats because hes a fetus.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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