i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
