the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize