I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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