Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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