How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
