True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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