Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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