i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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