I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
