I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
