FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
