Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
