i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize