atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
