Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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