Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
