Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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