just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
how drunk are you?
Several
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
