I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
