i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
