Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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