I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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