girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
