3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
