You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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